Can I Date During My Illinois Divorce? Legal & Strategic Risks

11 min read
By Jonathan D. Steele
Can I Date During My Illinois Divorce? Legal & Strategic Risks
By Jonathan D. Steele, Family Law Attorney at Beermann LLP

You've filed for divorce, and someone new has caught your attention. Maybe it's a coworker who's been supportive during this difficult time, or perhaps you've matched with someone on a dating app. The question racing through your mind: "Is it okay to date while my divorce is pending?"

As both a family law attorney and cybersecurity expert at Beermann LLP, I've seen how dating during divorce can transform a straightforward case into a complex battlefield—especially in our digital age where every text, photo, and social media interaction becomes potential evidence.

While Illinois is a no-fault divorce state, meaning you don't need to prove wrongdoing to get divorced, dating during your proceedings can still create significant legal and financial complications. Let me guide you through what you need to know to protect yourself, your children, and your future.

Table of Contents

The Legal Reality: No-Fault Doesn't Mean Risk-Free

Illinois abolished fault-based divorce grounds in 2016, adopting a purely no-fault system under 750 ILCS 5/401. This means you no longer need to prove adultery, mental cruelty, or abandonment to obtain a divorce. The only ground for divorce is "irreconcilable differences."

However, this doesn't mean your conduct during divorce proceedings is irrelevant. Here's why:

Dissipation of Marital Assets

If you spend marital funds on a new romantic partner, your spouse can claim dissipation under 750 ILCS 5/503(d). Dissipation occurs when one spouse uses marital property for their sole benefit and for a purpose unrelated to the marriage after the breakdown of the marriage.

Example: John started dating Sarah three months after filing for divorce. He spent $15,000 on trips, jewelry, and dining with Sarah, all charged to credit cards that were marital debt. His wife successfully argued dissipation, and John had to reimburse the marital estate for the full amount from his share of the assets.

Impact on Parenting Responsibilities

While dating itself isn't grounds to deny parenting time, how you handle new relationships can significantly impact custody determinations under 750 ILCS 5/602.7, which requires courts to consider "the willingness and ability of each parent to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing relationship between the other parent and the child."

How Dating Can Impact Your Custody Case

When determining parenting responsibilities and parenting time, Illinois courts must consider the best interests of the child. Dating during divorce can affect this analysis in several ways:

1. Exposure to New Partners

Courts generally frown upon introducing children to new romantic partners during the divorce process. This isn't about moral judgment—it's about stability and the child's emotional well-being during an already turbulent time.

Real Case Scenario: In a recent DuPage County case I handled, a mother began dating two months after separation. She allowed her new boyfriend to stay overnight while her 7-year-old and 9-year-old children were present. Despite no evidence of inappropriate behavior, the judge restricted overnight guests during her parenting time until six months after the divorce was finalized.

2. Parental Judgment and Decision-Making

Your dating choices can be used to question your judgment, particularly if you:

3. Stability Concerns

Courts value stability for children. Introducing romantic upheaval during divorce proceedings can be viewed as adding unnecessary instability to your children's lives.

Financial Consequences: Maintenance and Asset Division

Dating during divorce can have substantial financial implications beyond dissipation claims:

Maintenance (Spousal Support) Considerations

While Illinois uses guidelines for calculating maintenance, courts retain discretion to deviate based on relevant factors. Dating during divorce can impact maintenance in several ways:

  1. Cohabitation Arguments: If your new partner stays over frequently, your spouse might argue de facto cohabitation, potentially affecting maintenance calculations.
  1. Financial Support from New Partner: Any financial assistance from a new partner could be considered when determining need for maintenance.
  1. Perception of Need: Expensive dates or trips posted on social media can undermine claims of financial need.

Property Division Impact

Illinois follows equitable distribution principles. While dating itself doesn't change property division, related behaviors can:

Digital Footprints: When Your Dating Life Becomes Evidence

As someone with cybersecurity expertise, I cannot overstate how digital evidence has transformed divorce litigation. Every aspect of your dating life can become evidence:

Social Media Evidence

Social media posts are increasingly used in divorce proceedings. Common examples include: Pro Tip: Assume everything you post online will be seen by your spouse's attorney. Privacy settings offer minimal protection—mutual friends often provide screenshots.

Text Messages and Communications

Text messages between you and new partners are discoverable. Particularly damaging can be:

Financial Digital Trails

Electronic payments leave permanent records:

For comprehensive protection strategies, review our guide on digital privacy in divorce.

Strategic Timing: When It's Safer to Date

If you're considering dating, timing matters. Here's a strategic framework:

Safest: After Divorce Finalization

Waiting until your divorce is final eliminates most legal risks. You can't be accused of dissipation, and custody arrangements are already established.

Moderate Risk: After Marital Settlement Agreement

Once you've signed a comprehensive settlement agreement, the financial risks diminish significantly. However, if you have children, custody modifications remain possible if your dating behavior raises concerns.

Highest Risk: Before Filing or During Early Proceedings

Dating in the early stages of divorce creates maximum vulnerability:

Common Mistakes That Can Derail Your Divorce

Through years of practice, I've identified patterns that create problems:

Mistake #1: Social Media Oversharing

The Problem: Posting photos with your new partner or changing your relationship status The Consequence: Provides ammunition for your spouse's attorney The Solution: Complete social media hiatus during divorce

Mistake #2: Introducing Partners to Children Too Soon

The Problem: Having new partners meet children or stay overnight The Consequence: Can result in restricted parenting time or supervised visits The Solution: Wait at least six months post-divorce before introductions

Mistake #3: Using Marital Funds for Dating

The Problem: Paying for dates with joint credit cards or marital accounts The Consequence: Dissipation claims that reduce your share of marital assets The Solution: Use only separate, post-filing income for personal expenses

Mistake #4: Lying About Relationships

The Problem: Denying relationships when asked during discovery The Consequence: Destroys credibility with the judge The Solution: Consult your attorney about how to truthfully handle sensitive questions

Mistake #5: Dating Someone Inappropriate

The Problem: Dating someone with criminal history, substance abuse issues, or who is also married The Consequence: Serious custody implications The Solution: Consider the "judge test"—how would a judge view this person?

Protecting Yourself If You Choose to Date

If you decide to date during your divorce, here are essential protective measures:

1. Maintain Complete Transparency with Your Attorney

Never hide dating relationships from your lawyer. We need full information to protect you effectively.

2. Keep Finances Completely Separate

3. Implement Digital Privacy Measures

4. Establish Clear Boundaries

5. Document Everything

Keep records that demonstrate responsible behavior:

Special Considerations for High-Conflict Divorces

If your divorce involves:

Then dating during divorce becomes exponentially riskier. In these cases, I strongly recommend waiting until after finalization.

When Your Spouse Is Already Dating

If your spouse is dating, you might feel justified in doing the same. Resist this temptation. Their poor judgment doesn't justify yours, and judges often penalize both parties for similar behavior.

International or Interstate Considerations

If your new partner lives out of state or country, additional complications arise:

Frequently Asked Questions

Is dating during divorce considered adultery in Illinois?

Since Illinois is a no-fault divorce state, adultery is not grounds for divorce. However, dating during marriage (before filing) could still impact financial matters through dissipation claims if marital funds were used. Post-filing dating is not legally adultery but can still affect custody and financial outcomes.

Can dating during divorce affect custody in Illinois?

Yes, dating can significantly impact custody decisions. Courts focus on the best interests of the child, and introducing new partners during divorce can be seen as adding instability. Specific concerns include overnight guests, multiple partners, and the character of people you're dating. Judges have broad discretion in determining parenting time and decision-making responsibilities.

Can my spouse use my dating against me in court?

Absolutely. While Illinois is no-fault, your spouse can use evidence of dating to support claims of dissipation (if you spent marital funds), argue you're prioritizing dating over children, or question your judgment. Digital evidence like texts, social media posts, and financial records are commonly used. This is why maintaining digital privacy and being strategic about dating timing is crucial.

How long should I wait to date after separation?

While there's no legal requirement, I recommend waiting until after your divorce is finalized. If you must date during proceedings, wait until after temporary orders are in place and major negotiations are complete. Always prioritize your children's adjustment period—most experts suggest waiting 6-12 months before introducing new partners to children.

Can I get in trouble for dating if we're separated but not divorced?

Legally, you're still married until the divorce is final. While criminal charges are extremely unlikely, dating during separation can lead to: dissipation claims if you use marital funds, negative custody impacts, complications in maintenance negotiations, and credibility issues if you're not transparent about relationships.

Making Smart Decisions for Your Future

Dating during divorce isn't illegal in Illinois, but it introduces unnecessary risks to your case. The temporary satisfaction of new companionship rarely outweighs the potential negative impacts on your children, finances, and legal proceedings.

Consider this: Your divorce will eventually end, but the decisions you make during it can have lasting consequences. Custody arrangements, financial settlements, and your reputation with the court all matter far more than starting a new relationship a few months earlier.

If you're facing these decisions, don't navigate them alone. Every situation is unique, and what applies generally might not fit your specific circumstances. As someone who understands both the legal complexities and digital risks involved, I can help you make informed decisions that protect your interests.

Schedule a consultation to discuss your specific situation. Call our office at (847) 260-7330 to speak with an attorney who understands both family law and the digital landscape.

Remember, the goal isn't just to get through your divorce—it's to emerge positioned for the best possible future. Sometimes that means exercising patience now for better outcomes later.

For more information on specific aspects of Illinois divorce law, visit our Illinois divorce case law resource center.

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The information provided in this article is for general informational purposes only and should not be construed as legal advice. Every divorce case is unique, and outcomes depend on specific facts and circumstances. Always consult with a qualified attorney about your individual situation.

Need Cybersecurity Help? Jonathan D. Steele also provides cybersecurity consulting through Steele Fortress for clients concerned about digital security during divorce.

Jonathan D. Steele

Written by Jonathan D. Steele

Chicago divorce attorney with cybersecurity certifications (Security+, CEH, ISC2). Illinois Super Lawyers Rising Star 2016-2025.

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For more insights, read our Divorce Decoded blog.