In cybersecurity, we often focus on fortifying ourselves against external threats: remote hackers, account takeovers, ransomware attacks. We invest time and resources in setting up robust firewalls, fortifying our digital perimeter. We secure our physical spaces with locks, alarms, and cameras, meticulously building a defense that leaves no room for compromise. We protect our online accounts with sophisticated multi-factor authentication (MFA), sometimes even with hardware security keys that render remote takeovers nearly impossible.
We armor ourselves against faceless attackers—the strangers in the ether. But what about the people closest to us? The threat that lives within our walls, the one that knows our habits, our routines, and our passwords because we shared them? It’s not some distant cybercriminal or an 'evil maid' breaking into our hotel room. It’s closer. Sometimes, it's our own spouse.
Yes, this is uncomfortable territory. It feels intrusive even to consider it. But when you’re on the doorstep of divorce—or perhaps already in the throes of it—the trusted access you've granted your partner can become a potential weapon. The key you once willingly gave them to unlock your life, both literally and digitally, can quickly become a vulnerability. When relationships fracture, so too can the shared trust that once felt unbreakable.
Consider the digital access we routinely share in a marriage. Couples often have shared passwords, access to each other’s email accounts, social media, and even financial records. Smart home devices, shared location services, and joint cloud storage accounts can create a digital footprint that’s completely transparent to the other person. This transparency might feel perfectly fine when things are good—it’s an expression of trust and partnership. But when a relationship takes a turn towards dissolution, these once-intimate layers of access can become glaring security vulnerabilities.
A spouse with unfettered access can monitor communication, track financial transactions, and even manipulate shared accounts. Imagine the potential damage when someone who knows your every move has the ability to undermine your privacy, financial security, or even your personal safety. Divorce, by its very nature, can sometimes turn amicable partners into adversaries. And in the digital realm, the stakes are high.
So, how do you defend against this uncomfortable but very real threat?
Should you even try to protect yourself from a partner?
The answer, difficult as it may be, is yes—especially if you see divorce on the horizon or are in the midst of one. Protecting your digital life isn’t a declaration of mistrust; it’s about safeguarding your autonomy and privacy, just as much as changing the locks on the door might be. Here are some measures to consider:
Step One: Revoke Shared Access
Start by revoking any shared access to accounts and devices. This means changing passwords, disabling shared login credentials, and unlinking shared apps. It’s wise to also update recovery methods to ensure your spouse no longer has access to your accounts.
Step Two: Enable MFA on Personal Accounts
If you haven’t already, enable multi-factor authentication on all your personal accounts. Hardware security keys are ideal because they require physical possession, adding a crucial layer of security that is especially important during a contentious separation.
Step Three: Detach Cloud and Smart Home Devices
Review the access settings on any shared smart home devices and cloud storage. Remove permissions for shared access and consider setting up new accounts entirely. A smart camera meant for mutual security can quickly turn into a surveillance tool when relationships go south.
Step Four: Separate Financial Accounts
If your spouse has access to joint financial accounts, communicate with your bank about any concerns. Opening new accounts in your name alone and ensuring any linked payment methods are updated is crucial to maintaining financial independence and security.
Step Five: Ensure Legal and Digital Strategy Alignment
Work with your attorney to ensure your digital protections align with legal guidelines. Family law intersects with cybersecurity in complex ways—you don’t want to inadvertently breach legal agreements while trying to protect yourself.
The reality is, the person who was once your closest ally could, in the wrong circumstances, become your biggest vulnerability. It’s a reality many overlook, whether due to love, optimism, or simply discomfort. But being proactive about securing your digital world isn’t about expecting the worst; it’s about ensuring that, no matter what happens, you’re protected. Love and trust may change, but your right to privacy should remain inviolable.
For more insights, read our Divorce Decoded blog.