Divorce can be a perilous time for survivors of domestic violence. Studies have shown that the period surrounding separation is often the most dangerous – 77% of domestic violence–related homicides occur upon or shortly after separation. In high-conflict divorces involving abuse, these risks are compounded by technology. Abusive partners increasingly exploit digital tools to stalk, harass, and intimidate their victims from afar. Smartphones, GPS trackers, social media, smart home devices, and even family cars can be weaponized as means of surveillance and control. For example, one survivor discovered her ex had hidden an Apple AirTag in their child’s shoe to track her location, a tactic advocates warn has become disturbingly common in the digital age.
Because technology abuse is now a facet of many domestic violence cases – experts note that 80% of stalking victims are monitored via technology – proactive cybersecurity and privacy measures are essential. This introduction outlines the unique risks DV survivors face during divorce and underscores why taking action to secure technology isn’t optional, but potentially life-saving. With an empathetic approach and actionable advice, we’ll explore how survivors and their attorneys can stay one step ahead of tech-savvy abusers.
II. Assessing Client Risk
Not all divorce cases carry the same level of danger. Identifying high-risk situations early allows lawyers and advocates to tailor stronger safety plans. Red flags for technology-based abuse include an abuser who seems “too informed” about the victim’s activities or whereabouts, unexplained access to private communications, prior stalking behavior, or a background in IT. If your client reports that their ex-partner somehow knows things they shouldn’t – for instance, showing up unexpectedly or referencing conversations they weren’t present for – this could indicate digital surveillance. Survivors should trust their instincts; as one cybersecurity expert notes, if it feels like someone is electronically watching or tracking you, that suspicion is often correct.
Begin with threat modeling: map out the technologies in your client’s life and how the abuser might misuse them. Does the abuser know the client’s passwords? Have they had physical access to the client’s phone or laptop? Is there a shared family phone plan or connected car? Identifying these points of vulnerability helps target the risks. For example, consider patterns: if the abuser only seems to know the victim’s activities at home, perhaps a hidden camera is installed; if they always know her driving routes, maybe a GPS device is on the car. By pinpointing likely tools (spyware app, GPS tracker, social media monitoring, etc.), you can prioritize counter-measures and evidence collection.
A personalized safety plan should be developed in collaboration with the survivor and, ideally, a trained domestic violence advocate. Domestic violence advocates bring specialized expertise – they can perform danger assessments, suggest safety steps, and provide emotional support. Attorneys should coordinate with DV professionals whenever possible. For instance, you might connect your client with a local shelter or advocacy group for help navigating technology abuse. (The National Domestic Violence Hotline can help locate an advocate; call 800-799-7233 or text START to 88788.) Together, review the client’s daily routines and communication channels to anticipate how an abuser might exploit them. This team approach ensures legal strategies don’t unintentionally increase risk – e.g. if confronting the abuser about spying could escalate violence, an advocate might suggest safer alternatives.
Finally, assess lethality and escalation risks. If the abuser has threatened extreme harm, has access to weapons, a history of strangulation, or exhibits obsessive jealousy (such as incessant digital harassment), treat the case as high-risk. High-risk cases demand urgent and thorough safety interventions: immediate protective orders, emergency phone or housing provisions, and exhaustive tech lockdown (discussed below). Remember that leaving is the most dangerous time– a tech-savvy abuser may double down on surveillance and intimidation when they sense they’re losing control. Diligent risk assessment and safety planning are the foundation for protecting survivor privacy and security through the legal process.
III. Critical Cybersecurity Measures
Once risks are identified, it’s time to lock down the survivor’s digital life. High-risk divorces call for aggressive cybersecurity and privacy protections on all accounts, devices, and communications. Here are critical measures to implement:
Secure All Accounts with Strong Credentials: Help your client change the passwords on their email, social media, banking, and other important accounts immediately, using a device the abuser has not compromised. Choose long, unique passwords that the abuser can’t guess (avoiding birthdays, pet names, etc.), and do this from a safe device – not from a phone or PC the abuser might have tampered with
Secure Communications: Ordinary phone calls, texts, or emails may not be safe if an abuser has installed spyware or knows the victim’s account credentials. Advise clients to switch to encrypted messaging and calling apps for any sensitive communications. Apps like Signal or WhatsApp (with end-to-end encryption) are far more secure than standard SMS or Facebook Messenger
Lock Down Devices: Any device the survivor uses – smartphones, tablets, laptops, even smartwatches – should be checked and secured. Update device settings and software to eliminate any backdoors the abuser might be exploiting. This includes: turning off location services (GPS) for apps that don’t truly need it, disabling Bluetooth and Wi-Fi auto-connect when not in use, and reviewing which apps have access to sensitive data
Consider a Tech Swap: In some extreme situations, the safest course is to get new devices altogether. If the abuser had prolonged access to a phone or computer, it’s very difficult to be 100% sure it’s clean. The survivor might purchase an inexpensive new phone (and possibly a basic laptop), set it up with brand-new accounts, and keep the existence of these devices hidden. She can continue to use the old phone for innocuous activities (so as not to tip off the abuser), but conduct sensitive communications on the new device
Protect Personal Information Online: High-risk abusers often try to gather any intel they can from online sources. Survivors should tighten privacy on social media or, in many cases, temporarily suspend their social media profiles. Check that Facebook, Instagram, and other accounts have the strictest privacy settings – posts viewable only by trusted friends, no location tagging, and no public sharing of plans or new locations. It’s usually wise to avoid posting in real-time; for example, if the survivor is at a new apartment, she shouldn’t post photos that could reveal the location. Caution the survivor’s friends and family not to share her whereabouts or any identifying info online either. Additionally, opt out of data broker websites that publish personal records. In the U.S., sites like WhitePages, Spokeo, and MyLife collect addresses, phone numbers, and even relatives’ names – abusers can easily search these. There are services and DIY instructions for removing oneself from data broker listings
Best Practices for Social Media: Social media can be a double-edged sword for survivors. It can inadvertently leak location data or give abusers avenues for harassment and smear campaigns. Advise clients on the following best practices:
Professional IT/Cybersecurity Help (for Extreme Cases): If there are signs of sophisticated tech intrusion – for instance, malware that keeps returning, a hidden camera the survivor can’t locate, or evidence the abuser has remote access to accounts despite all precautions – it may be time to bring in a specialist. Digital forensics experts or tech consultants can do a deep sweep of devices and networks. Some nonprofits and police departments have units to assist cyberstalking victims. A professional can check for things like keyloggers on computers, implanted hardware trackers in cars, or vulnerabilities in home Wi-Fi systems. They can also help securely back up and then wipe devices. In one extreme case, a survivor felt her ex-husband was “always in her phone” no matter what she did; a forensic examination found a clandestine spy app that had been cleverly disguised. After its removal and other security upgrades, the harassment stopped. While not every client will have access to IT specialists, know that resources like the Coalition Against Stalkerware can connect survivors to experts and tools for detecting stalkerware.
Throughout all these measures, emphasize to survivors that technology safety is an ongoing process, not a one-time fix. Just as one would change the locks on the house after an abusive spouse leaves, one must also “change the locks” on digital doors and remain vigilant. Regularly review account logins for suspicious activity, keep software up to date (since updates often patch security holes), and continue to assess new technologies the abuser might try to exploit (like emerging social media platforms or gadgets). By fortifying accounts, devices, and online presence, survivors can significantly reduce the abuser’s ability to inflict harm from behind a screen.
IV. Obtaining and Enforcing Protective Orders
Legal protection orders are a critical tool in high-risk divorces. However, to be effective in the digital age, protective orders (restraining orders) must explicitly address technology abuse. Most state laws allow judges to order an abuser to have no contact with the victim, which typically includes phone calls, texts, emails, and third-party messages. It’s important to leverage these provisions and any additional state-specific statutes to cover modern forms of harassment.
Include Technology-Specific Terms: When seeking a restraining order for your client, don’t assume the standard terms cover everything. Be very clear in the petition about any cyberstalking, online threats, or electronic monitoring that has occurred, and ask the court to prohibit those behaviors. Many states now recognize cyber-harassment and stalking as grounds for protection. For example, you can ask the judge to forbid the respondent from contacting the petitioner “by electronic or digital means of any kind, including phone, text, email, messaging apps, or social media.” If the abuser was using tools like GPS trackers, spy apps, or smart-home devices, spell that out. In New York, a law passed in 2020 allows courts to specifically prohibit the abuser from remotely controlling any connected devices in the victim’s home, car, or property. Even if your jurisdiction doesn’t have a law exactly like that, you can still request similar relief under the judge’s broad power to craft orders ensuring the victim’s safety. For instance, you might seek a provision that the abuser must relinquish any garage door openers, smart thermostat access, or passwords to shared accounts. Some judges may not think of these on their own, so it’s on the advocate to raise the issue. By detailing the types of tech abuse in the order, you not only give the survivor grounds to call the police if those are violated, you also put the abuser on clear notice that these behaviors are illegal.
Gathering Digital Evidence Properly: To obtain, extend, or enforce a protective order for tech abuse, evidence is key. Encourage survivors to document every incident of digital harassment or spying. This includes saving abusive emails, texts, voicemails, social media screenshots, GPS device findings, etc. Proper preservation will make this evidence more persuasive in court and reduce challenges to its authenticity. Some tips for evidence-gathering:
Save and Screenshot Threats: If your client receives threatening texts or messages, have them take screenshots and export or back them up. The screenshot should ideally show the context – e.g. the contact name/number and date/time in the image
Log the Incidents: Maintain a simple incident log listing each act of tech abuse (date, time, what happened, which platform or device, any witnesses). For example: “Jan 5, 11:00PM – Received 20 text messages in a row from [number], saying ‘I’m watching you’.”; “Jan 8, – Found a GPS tracker (Tile) under passenger seat of car, turned over to police, case #1234.” This log helps show a pattern of conduct and can refresh the survivor’s memory in court
Preserve Social Media Evidence: If the abuser is posting about the survivor online (e.g. defamatory Facebook posts, or Instagram pictures meant to threaten), screenshot those posts with visible timestamps and usernames
Collect Physical Tech Evidence: If a piece of hardware was involved (like a hidden camera, microphone, or tracking device found in a car), treat it like evidence – store it in a bag, photograph it in place before removal if possible, and hand it to the police if pursuing criminal charges. Note the make/model of any device (some survivors even find things like unfamiliar USB drives plugged into their computers, which turn out to be keyloggers).
Maintain Chain of Custody for Court: In a civil protection order hearing, formal evidentiary rules may be relaxed, but it’s still good practice to preserve a clear chain of custody. This means the survivor can testify to how they obtained the evidence (e.g. “These are printouts of text messages from my phone. I took these screenshots myself on February 1 and they accurately show messages John sent me.”). If law enforcement assisted (say, retrieving data from a phone company via subpoena), have documentation of that process to establish authenticity. Generally, courts accept printouts or electronic evidence if there’s testimony it’s a true and accurate copy and it’s relevant to the case. Providing context (the who/when/where of the abuse) will help the judge see the full picture of harassment, not just isolated incidents.
Cyberstalking and Online Harassment Laws: Beyond civil orders, remember that many of these digital abuses are crimes. Every U.S. state and jurisdiction has laws criminalizing stalking, including acts committed via technology. If an abuser is sending death threats by email or consistently tracking the victim’s movements, they may be violating cyberstalking statutes or harassment laws. Federal law (18 U.S.C. §2261A) also makes it a crime to stalk someone across state lines or using electronic communication, if it causes substantial emotional distress or fear of harm. Work with law enforcement when appropriate – for example, if the abuser is hacking accounts or installing spyware, those could invoke computer crime laws in addition to DV laws. Sometimes, involving the police and showing evidence of digital abuse can strengthen your client’s case for a protective order (and the urgency of enforcement). A police report creates an official record and may frighten the abuser into compliance, at least for a time.
That said, survivors are often hesitant to involve law enforcement, and their safety and comfort should lead. Assure your client that gathering evidence does not obligate them to press charges – it simply preserves options. Even if they only pursue the civil protective order, having that evidence ready can be a lifesaver if the situation worsens and criminal action becomes necessary later.
Presenting Digital Evidence in Court: When the day comes for a hearing (be it a protective order hearing or divorce proceeding), present the digital abuse evidence clearly and carefully. Organize the evidence by chronology or by type of abuse. Judges (and opposing counsel) may not be very tech-savvy, so provide explanations and context for what the evidence shows. For example: “This exhibit is a series of text messages Mr. Doe sent my client on the night she left. You can see he uses a GPS screenshot to tell her ‘I know where you are’ – that was taken from tracking her phone without permission.” Such narration helps the court understand the significance. Be prepared to authenticate the evidence through your client’s testimony (as mentioned, she might say she personally captured the screenshots and they haven’t been altered). It’s rare for abusers to have the capability to convincingly fake things like entire phone records – more often they’ll deny or try to explain it away. But when you can show repeated patterns – e.g. dozens of messages, logs of hundreds of location pings – it becomes hard to dismiss as trivial. Emphasize the impact of the digital abuse on the survivor’s sense of safety. Online threats or surveillance cause real fear; research shows victims of tech-facilitated stalking often experience intense distress and life disruption, sometimes even more than in-person stalking. Conveying this to the judge can ensure the orders issued are strict and comprehensive.
Enforcing the Orders: A protective order is just a piece of paper unless it’s enforced. Make sure your client understands that if the abuser violates the order – including digital violations – they should document it and report it right away. For instance, if the order says “no electronic contact” and the abuser still emails her, that’s a violation just as much as showing up at her house is. In many states, violation of a DV protective order is a criminal offense. Police may be able to arrest the abuser for sending that one text. Encourage your client to keep a copy of the order with her and another filed with local law enforcement. Some survivors also program their phone to quickly record calls or have a trusted person on speed-dial if the abuser contacts them in violation, to capture proof.
One challenge can be proving a violation that’s anonymous – for example, if the abuser posts revenge porn or impersonates the victim online, how to link it to them? In such cases, work with law enforcement; they can sometimes subpoena IP addresses or platform records to attribute the action. But even before that, document the harassment and bring it to the court’s attention. Judges can admonish the abuser or modify orders even on a suspicion of violation, by increasing monitoring or imposing sanctions.
Sometimes technology can also help enforce orders: GPS ankle monitors on high-risk offenders, for instance, alert authorities if the abuser comes within a prohibited distance (some jurisdictions use these for severe cases). There are also apps that let survivors directly alert police of a violation and simultaneously record evidence. Explore what enforcement tools are available in your area.
A Note on Evidence Retention by Tech Companies: One lesson from cases is that time is of the essence. Many tech systems don’t retain data for long – for example, the Tesla car logs in one stalking case were only kept for 7 days, so when police requested data after that window, it was too late. Phone companies often purge text message content quickly (within days) unless a law enforcement preservation letter is sent. Encourage law enforcement to send preservation demands early for any relevant accounts (cell carriers, social media, etc.) to prevent loss of evidence. If you’re in active litigation, you can also use civil subpoenas or discovery requests to tech companies for information about the abuser’s accounts or devices – but again, act fast and be specific.
By obtaining robust protective orders and backing them with solid evidence, you create a legal shield around the survivor. Abusers may test those boundaries, but a combination of clear court orders, vigilant enforcement, and smart use of digital proof will hold them accountable and deter continued harassment.
V. Advocating for Survivor Privacy in Legal Proceedings
Protecting a survivor’s privacy and safety goes beyond immediate tech fixes and restraining orders – it must extend into the divorce and custody litigation itself. Abusers often attempt to leverage the court process as another means of control or retaliation (sometimes called “litigation abuse”). As an attorney, vigilantly safeguard your client’s personal information and counter any tactics the abuser uses to undermine her credibility or security.
Filing Under Seal or Using Confidential Addresses: One of the simplest yet crucial steps is to keep sensitive information out of the public record. In many jurisdictions, you can ask the court to seal certain filings or use Jane Doe aliases in extreme cases. At minimum, ensure the survivor’s address and contact information are kept confidential on court documents. Many states have procedures where a survivor can provide her address to the court separately (or use an Address Confidentiality Program address) so that the public divorce filings and even the opposing party do not get the actual location. For example, you might file a motion for a protective order in the divorce case to redact addresses, citing the history of abuse and an active restraining order. Most judges are amenable to this given the safety concerns. Be cautious with exhibits: if submitting phone records or anything that has identifying info (like the survivor’s workplace or friend’s names), consider redacting those details or requesting a sealed filing. The goal is to prevent the abuser (or his attorney) from learning anything new about the survivor’s whereabouts or plans through the discovery process.
Guarding Digital Privacy in Discovery: In contentious divorces, abusers sometimes demand voluminous personal records: emails, texts, even social media posts – ostensibly for litigation purposes (like proving infidelity or fitness as a parent), but sometimes just to snoop or intimidate. You as counsel should push back on overbroad discovery that infringes on your client’s privacy. Leverage statutes and rules that protect victims. For instance, under the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) and various state laws, a victim’s address and contact info may be protected from disclosure. You can also argue that certain requests are not reasonably calculated to lead to admissible evidence but rather intended to harass. When turning over evidence that is necessary, consider limited scope disclosures (perhaps an in-camera review by the judge, or agreeing to release records only from a certain timeframe, etc.). Another strategy: if the abuser seeks electronic data (say, the wife’s emails for the past two years), propose using a neutral third-party expert who can filter out irrelevant or privileged material, ensuring the abuser doesn’t get unfettered access to everything. Always remind the court of the power imbalance and safety implications at play – an abuser shouldn’t be allowed to rifle through a survivor’s digital life without strong justification and safeguards.
Countering Abuser Tactics in Court: Abusers may employ classic tactics to flip the script and invade the survivor’s privacy or credibility. One common strategy in custody battles is for the abusive spouse to claim the survivor is “alienating the children” or lying about abuse to gain an advantage. This can sometimes pressure survivors to share private communications (like therapy records or messages to friends) to prove they were indeed abused. Be prepared to object to such fishing expeditions. If the abuser accuses your client of coaching the kids or baselessly smearing him, center the conversation back on the abuser’s documented behavior. Present evidence of his harassment (e.g. threatening texts) to show the court a pattern of intimidation. It may also help to bring in an expert witness (perhaps a psychologist or DV advocate) who can educate the court on counter-intuitive victim behavior and the phenomenon of abusers alleging “parental alienation” to deflect from their own abuse. By educating the judge, you reduce the chance that these tactics succeed in shifting focus away from safety.
Another tactic is digital gaslighting – an abuser might claim he’s the one being harassed online, even going so far as to fabricate messages as if from the victim. If you anticipate this, get ahead of it: clearly state in filings or hearings the documented history of tech abuse and suggest the abuser has motivation to misrepresent reality. Keep your client’s narrative consistent and backed by evidence; that will outshine false counter-claims.
Educating the Court on Technology Abuse: Not all judges (or opposing lawyers) are familiar with how modern technology intersects with domestic violence. Part of your advocacy is gently educating them. Use concrete examples and, where possible, precedent. For instance, cite cases or news stories of abusers using spyware or GPS trackers to highlight that this is a known issue. Bring up that legislatures are responding – such as New York’s law about smart home devices or the fact that tech-facilitated stalking is explicitly illegal everywhere – to validate your arguments that the court must take these behaviors seriously. If a judge seems skeptical that “texting someone” is as harmful as physical contact, explain the impact on the survivor’s well-being and decision-making. Perhaps mention that constant digital surveillance is a form of coercive control, recognized by experts, and can predict escalation to physical harm. The more the court understands that technology misuse is part and parcel of the abuse, the more likely they’ll be to craft orders and rulings that protect the survivor’s privacy (for example, by not forcing her to reveal her new phone number or allowing her to testify remotely if appearing in person might expose her location).
Legislative Developments and Advocacy: Encourage your client to take advantage of new laws aimed at protecting survivors’ digital privacy. One recent federal law, the Safe Connections Act of 2022, allows a survivor on a shared family cellphone plan to separate her line (and her children’s lines) from the abuser’s account without penalty, while keeping her phone number. This is incredibly important – it prevents abusers from using shared phone plans to see call logs or even cut off the victim’s phone service. The act also directs the FCC to ensure phone companies keep confidential any info about survivors who make this switch. If your client is still on a phone plan with the abuser, assist her in invoking this law to secure her communications. Many states have passed similar laws or are considering them.
Additionally, some states are expanding what can be included in protective orders (as noted, NY and a few others now explicitly cover electronic and smart device abuse). Stay informed about your state’s latest statutes – and if gaps exist, consider advocating for stronger legislation. For example, if your state doesn’t have an address confidentiality program or an easy way to shield victim information in court records, raise the issue with local DV coalitions or legislative contacts. Survivors’ voices and their attorneys’ experiences can drive change. We are likely to see more laws in the near future focusing on data privacy for victims, penalties for stalkerware, and requirements for tech companies to assist abuse victims (much like how Google and Apple are building safety features to detect unknown trackers economictimes.indiatimes.com).
In the courtroom, translate these developments into practice: argue vigorously for your client’s right to privacy and safety. Remind the court that the integrity of the justice system depends on protecting litigants from harm – a survivor shouldn’t have to choose between seeking a fair divorce settlement and staying safe from digital stalking. By being proactive and creative, you can often get the court’s buy-in to shield your client’s private information, limit her exposure to the abuser through court procedures, and keep the focus on the abuser’s wrongful conduct.
VI. Empowering Clients with Privacy and Security Skills
Legal battles eventually end, but a survivor’s need for digital safety will continue as she rebuilds her life. One of the greatest services you can offer as a lawyer or advocate is to empower your client with the knowledge and tools to protect herself going forward. This not only improves her immediate safety, but also gives her a sense of control and confidence that technology can be used on her own terms.
Tech Safety Education: Take time to educate your client on safe technology practices. Recognizing that survivors come from all walks of life and varying tech savvy, adjust to her level. You might show her how to check privacy settings on her phone, how to see which devices are logged into her email or Facebook, or how to enable auto-updates for security patches. Explain concepts like 2FA in simple terms (e.g. “a second password that changes constantly, so only you have it”) and help her set it up on key accounts. If she’s not familiar with encrypted apps, demonstrate sending a message on Signal. For many survivors, using a secure messaging app or a VPN might be new and intimidating – walking her through it can demystify these tools. There are also survivor-friendly guides available (often from nonprofits) that you can share. The National Network to End Domestic Violence’s Safety Net Project has a “Survivor Toolkit” with step-by-step privacy tips for social media, devices, Wi-Fi, and more. Providing these materials and discussing them can be empowering. Frame it not as “here are all the dangers” but as “here’s how you can take back control of your digital life.” Emphasize that she is not alone – many survivors have faced these issues and there’s a whole community and knowledge base out there to support her.
Ongoing Safety Check-Ins: Make tech safety a regular part of your contact with the client. Abusers often change tactics over time. Perhaps after being blocked on one platform, the ex-spouse finds another, or starts harassing via the kids’ devices. Ask your client periodically if she’s noticed anything concerning: strange emails, unfamiliar friend requests, devices acting odd, etc. These check-ins can be as simple as including a few tech-related questions in your meetings or emails. If something new crops up, revisit the safety plan and adjust. For example, if the client gets a new job, discuss how to keep her LinkedIn or work profile from revealing her location to the abuser. If the abuser finds her new phone number somehow, maybe it’s time to change numbers and ensure the new one is unlisted. This is much like a “digital safety net” – you’re helping her stay a step ahead. Also, encourage ongoing use of security tools: remind her to keep changing passwords regularly, update software, and so on. Survivors have a million things on their plate; a gentle nudge that “hey, it’s been a few months, let’s update your passwords again” can be very helpful.
Building Confidence and Support: Trauma from tech abuse can make survivors feel violated and helpless, even about using everyday technology. Part of empowerment is psychological – validating that her feelings are normal and that she has a right to use technology without being afraid. Let her know it’s okay to take it slow. Maybe she’s scared to use her laptop at all after finding spyware; you can help her practice on a “clean” device and gradually regain trust in it. Some survivors develop a “distrust of technology” and withdraw from online life entirely. While stepping back was a necessary protective measure, eventually she may want to reconnect (for work, social, or educational reasons). By ensuring she has the skills to do so safely, you’re helping her reclaim parts of her life the abuser tried to control.
Connect to Long-Term Resources: Make sure your client is aware of and plugged into resources that will outlast your legal representation. This could include support groups for domestic violence survivors (who often share tips on things like avoiding social media trolls, dealing with co-parenting apps with an abuser, etc.), or online forums and information hubs. For instance, WomensLaw.org provides a wealth of legal information for survivors, including how to deal with tech abuse, and it’s written in accessible language. Local domestic violence agencies often have advocates who specialize in safety planning; ensure your client knows how to reach them after your case concludes. Even handing her a list of hotlines, advocacy organizations, and websites (like those we’ll list below in Resources) is useful. Let her know she can and should seek help if new issues arise – she doesn’t have to navigate future harassment alone. If possible, also connect her with mental health support: the stress of being stalked or harassed online can be traumatizing, and counselors or support groups can help her process that trauma and rebuild confidence.
Empowerment in Co-Parenting Communication: A common scenario after a divorce is ongoing communication because of children. Abusers often exploit co-parenting apps or email chains to continue harassment under the guise of discussing kids. Work with your client to establish firm digital boundaries in co-parenting. This might mean using a monitored parenting communication app (some jurisdictions mandate tools like OurFamilyWizard, which can record messages for court). If the abuser sends threats through it, those records can be used to limit his contact. Empower the survivor to not respond to provocations outside of child-related logistics. Perhaps set up an email filter: any message from the ex that contains abusive language goes straight to a folder (or even to you as the attorney), so she doesn’t have to see it in real time. By structuring the post-divorce communication, we reduce the abuser’s ability to sneak in tech abuse and give the survivor a sense of control.
Celebrating Small Wins: Finally, celebrate the progress your client makes in tech safety. It could be as simple as, “Great job locking down your Facebook – that’s a big step toward keeping you safe”. Positive reinforcement helps her feel competent. Many survivors, after going through this process, become quite tech-savvy and even help others. The knowledge that she navigated this crisis and emerged with new skills can be a very empowering part of her survivor journey.
In summary, by imparting privacy and security skills, you’re not just resolving the current crisis, but equipping your client for a safer future. The digital world is here to stay; with the right tools, survivors can reclaim it as a space of freedom rather than fear.
VII. Key Takeaways for Protecting Survivor Privacy in Any Jurisdiction
No matter where a survivor lives, certain universal principles of cybersecurity and privacy apply. Technology-facilitated abuse knows no borders, but neither do the strategies to combat it. Here are key takeaways to help protect survivor privacy and safety, applicable in any jurisdiction:
Trust Instincts and Look for Signs: If it feels like the abusive partner always knows too much (locations, communications, etc.), assume technology could be involved. Look for telltale signs like unexpected texts/emails from the abuser referencing private info, devices acting strangely, or finding unfamiliar gadgets. Survivors worldwide report that abuse often includes a tech component – you are not “paranoid” to suspect it
Use a Safer Device: Whenever possible, conduct safety planning and private conversations on a device the abuser has never had access to
Change Passwords and Add Passcodes: Immediately update passwords on all major accounts (email, social media, banking) and devices. Use unique, complex passwords that your abuser can’t guess. Also add a strong passcode or biometric lock on your phone, SIM card (many phones allow a SIM PIN), and computer. This basic step is a global best practice – strong authentication makes it harder for anyone (abuser or hacker) to break in.
Enable Two-Factor Authentication (2FA): Where available, turn on 2FA for accounts, so a code or key is needed in addition to the password. Use app-based or hardware-key 2FA rather than SMS when you can, because if the abuser still has access to your phone or phone account, they could get texted codes. 2FA is offered by most major services worldwide (Google, Facebook, WhatsApp, etc.), and it can shut down many unauthorized login attempts.
Disable Unnecessary Tracking and Sharing: Turn off location services and check privacy settings on apps. Globally, smartphones and social apps have settings that can broadcast your location or status without you realizing. Make sure things like “Find My Phone” are secured or off, GPS permission is only given to essential apps, and features like photo location tagging are disabled. Likewise, be mindful of cloud backups – if you shared Apple ID or Google account with an ex, they might still receive your synced data (photos, messages). Sign out of devices you no longer use and remove old device access from account settings.
Scan for Spyware or Stalkerware: If you suspect your phone or computer might have spyware, seek help to scan and remove it. Internationally, the Coalition Against Stalkerware (stopstalkerware.org) provides free resources and toolkits in multiple languages to detect and safely remove common stalkerware apps
Keep Communications Secure: Opt for end-to-end encrypted messaging and calling. Signal, WhatsApp, Telegram (secret chats), and other secure apps ensure that even if messages are intercepted, they can’t be read. Avoid using channels the abuser had access to (for example, don’t use the old email account whose password they knew to discuss your plans). Creating a new secure email or chat account solely for communicating with lawyers or support people is a smart move. Remember, ordinary SMS and emails can be vulnerable – encrypted apps or new accounts add a layer of protection
Limit Social Media Exposure: Around the world, survivors have found social media can unintentionally betray their privacy. Lock down your profiles or deactivate them temporarily. Don’t announce new jobs, housing, or travel plans online. Watch out for friend requests from strangers – it could be the abuser or their associates in disguise. Consider using an alias or a nickname on social profiles so you’re harder to search. Also, check privacy settings so you’re not discoverable by phone number or email (many platforms let you be found that way unless you opt out).
Know Your Local Laws and Resources: Laws vary, but virtually all countries outlaw some forms of cyber harassment, stalking, or unauthorized access. Educate yourself on what protections exist: Is there a cybercrime law you can report under? Can you get a restraining order that covers electronic communication? For example, countries like the UK have made “coercive and controlling behavior” (which can include tech abuse) a criminal offense; Australia’s eSafety Commissioner helps tackle image-based abuse. Knowing the legal landscape helps you leverage it. Also, identify local support: every country has domestic violence hotlines and organizations, and many have specialized cyber safety services. In Canada, for instance, some women’s shelters have tech safety programs; in the EU, organizations can assist with GDPR privacy requests to remove online info; in India, cybercrime cells of police take online abuse complaints. The principles of safety are the same, but how and where you report may differ.
Practice Digital Self-Care: Living in fear of digital surveillance is draining. Try to incorporate some self-care in your tech use. This might mean periodically taking a break from devices if you can do so safely (turning off the phone for a few hours when you’re in a secure location, to get peace of mind), or conversely, using technology foryour healing – such as joining online survivor support communities under a pseudonym, or using apps that help with anxiety. Globally, many survivors find strength in connecting with others who understand, through moderated forums or encrypted chat groups dedicated to DV support. Just be careful to maintain anonymity if needed.
Plan for Emergencies: Have a plan in case the abuser escalates through tech – for example, if they post intimate photos (so-called “revenge porn”) or hack an account and impersonate you. Know who you can call – police, a lawyer, a friend in IT – and have backups of important data. In any country, if you feel in immediate danger (online threats that seem likely to translate to physical harm), contact law enforcement. Document the threats clearly to show authorities. Use the tools at hand: many social platforms have emergency report channels for serious threats or non-consensual intimate images; use them to get content taken down quickly.
In essence, the basics of digital safety are universal: be vigilant, use strong security measures, minimize the information you expose, and reach out for help when needed. While the legal context might change from one place to another, these best practices help survivors everywhere reclaim some power over technology. No matter the jurisdiction, survivors can combine common-sense privacy habits with available legal protections to navigate online threats more safely.
VIII. Resources for Survivors
Survivors and their allies don’t have to figure all this out alone. There are numerous organizations, tools, and guides dedicated to helping victims of domestic violence stay safe – both in the physical and digital sense. Below is a list of key resources (U.S.-focused with some international options) for legal support, advocacy, and cybersecurity guidance:
National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.) – 24/7 free and confidential help for survivors, offering crisis counseling, safety planning, and referrals to local services. Phone 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text START to 88788 or chat at thehotline.org
WomensLaw.org (A Project of NNEDV) – A comprehensive legal information site for survivors in the U.S. It provides easy-to-understand explanations of restraining orders, custody, divorce, and also has sections on abuse using technology. WomensLaw offers an Email Hotline to ask legal questions. (Example content: tips on protecting your email and evidence gathering
NNEDV Safety Net’s Survivor Toolkit – The National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV) runs the Safety Net project focusing on technology safety. Their Survivor Toolkit (available at TechSafety.org) includes step-by-step guides on securing devices, safe social media use, protecting your privacy online, and more
Coalition Against Stalkerware – An international coalition addressing spyware and stalkerware. Their website (stopstalkerware.org) offers information for survivors in multiple languages, including how to tell if you might have stalkerware on your device and what to do about it. They also list partner organizations across the world that can help. If you suspect high-tech spying via apps, this is a great starting point
Stalking Prevention, Awareness, and Resource Center (SPARC) – U.S.-based resource center (stalkingawareness.org) with information on stalking laws in each state, safety planning for stalking victims, and fact sheets on technology-facilitated stalking. They have printable logs for tracking incidents and other tools. Helpful for understanding the legal definition of cyberstalking and how to work with law enforcement on stalking cases.
Local Domestic Violence Agencies and Shelters – Virtually every community has organizations to support DV survivors. Many offer legal advocacy (some have lawyers or can accompany survivors to court) and can assist with protective orders. They also often have support groups and counseling. To find one near you in the US, you can call 211 or use the directory on domesticshelters.org. Internationally, consult directories like HotPeachPages (which lists DV hotlines worldwide) or ask national helplines for local referrals. These agencies can usually help with safety phones, changing locks, and sometimes technical safety (like helping disable a GPS in a car).
Legal Aid and Pro Bono Projects – In the U.S., organizations like Legal Aid or volunteer lawyer projects often assist low-income survivors in family law cases. They may help file restraining orders or represent in divorce. Some areas have specialized programs (e.g. domestic violence law clinics). WomensLaw (above) or the Hotline can point you to these. In other countries, look for women’s legal aid NGOs or ask domestic violence hotlines about free legal support.
Cyber Civil Rights Initiative (CCR) – If the abuse involves “revenge porn” or intimate images being shared without consent, CCRI (cybercivilrights.org) has a crisis helpline and information on how to get content removed and pursue legal action. They can guide on the patchwork of laws regarding non-consensual pornography. They also have tech safety tips specifically around securing photos and accounts.
Operation Safe Escape – A nonprofit that specializes in helping victims of domestic abuse with operational security and digital privacy. They provide one-on-one assistance in creating an “escape plan” that includes cyber elements (secure communication, identity change, etc.). Their website (operationsafeescape.org) has articles and they can be contacted for personalized help.
Chayn’s DIY Online Safety Guide – Chayn is a global project creating open-source resources for survivors. Their DIY Online Safety Guide (available at chayn.co or on GitBook) is tailored for women facing abuse and covers how to secure your online presence, check devices for tampering, and cope with tech abuse, in an easy-to-follow way. It’s internationally relevant and available in multiple languages.
Apps for Personal Safety: Consider using trusted safety apps. For example, “My Plan” (myplanapp.org) helps domestic violence survivors assess danger and create a safety plan (including digital safety) – it’s research-based and confidential. bSafe or Noonlight are apps that can send emergency alerts to chosen contacts with GPS location if you’re in danger. (Always test an app and ensure the abuser doesn’t know it’s on the phone.)
1800RESPECT (Australia) – For readers in Australia, 1800RESPECT is the national family violence counseling service (1800 737 732, 24/7). Their website has an extensive “Technology and safety” section with tips similar to those discussed here, tailored to the Australian context
Refuge Tech Safety (UK) – In the United Kingdom, Refuge (a leading DV charity) has a tech abuse support program. Their website refugetechsafety.org provides detailed guides on securing phones, accounts, and even specific devices (like how to check if a Nest camera is compromised, etc.). They also run a helpline (the National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247) which can offer guidance on tech abuse.
Police High-Tech Crime Units – If you need to involve law enforcement for serious cyberstalking, ask if there’s a cybercrime or high-tech crimes unit. In many places (U.S. and abroad), these units can extract data from devices, analyze spyware, and properly document digital evidence. They also might know how to coordinate with platforms for records. Not every police department has one, but many collaborate with state or federal resources.
Mental Health and Counseling Services – Dealing with stalking and abuse can be traumatic. Organizations like RAINN (for sexual violence, includes online harassment), local DV agencies, or trauma therapists can provide counseling. Some survivors develop PTSD or anxiety related to constant monitoring – therapy (in person or via secure telehealth) can be a critical resource to heal and learn coping strategies.
Remember, reaching out for help is a strength, not a weakness. Whether you contact a hotline, an advocate, a tech specialist, or a lawyer – there are people ready to support you. You are not alone, and with the right resources and strategies, you can stay safer and reclaim your privacy and peace of mind.
For more insights, read our Divorce Decoded blog.