Managing Reputation And Defamation Issues During Custody Disputes

Summary

During contentious custody battles, parties may resort to defamation and reputation-damaging tactics that can have lasting personal and professional repercussions. To protect one's reputation, key strategies include documenting all interactions, staying professional, securing social media, prioritizing the children's well-being, assembling a strong legal and support team, refraining from engaging with online attacks, being honest with loved ones, correcting public misinformation, taking the high road, and safeguarding one's own mental health and peace.

Managing Reputation & Defamation During Custody Battles: 10 Key Strategies

Divorce and custody battles are often contentious, high-stakes situations that can put reputations on the line. False allegations, mudslinging, and attempts at "poisoning the well" are not uncommon as parties fight for custody and control. Left unchecked, defamation and reputation damage during a custody dispute can impact not only the case outcome, but can have lasting repercussions personally and professionally. Here are 10 key strategies for protecting your good name when a custody battle turns ugly.

1. Document Everything

In the "he said, she said" of a heated custody dispute, documentation is critical. Keep detailed records of all interactions with the other party, including texts, emails, phone calls, and in-person exchanges. Note the date, time, what was said, and any witnesses. Save copies of relevant social media posts. If an interaction turns hostile, write down exactly what happened in a journal or incident report while it's fresh in your mind.

Should false allegations surface, this paper trail will be invaluable in establishing the facts and disproving lies. In one 2019 case, a father was able to refute a mother's accusation of abuse and win 50/50 custody by presenting the court with detailed phone records and emails documenting her repeated harassment and manipulation attempts.

2. Stay Professional at Work

Don't let a contentious custody battle bleed into your work life. Stay focused on your job and maintain a calm, professional demeanor in the office. Don't badmouth your ex to colleagues or get them involved in your personal drama. If you need accommodations like time off for court, inform your supervisor and HR, but keep the details minimal.

If your ex makes a scene at your workplace or tries to undermine you professionally, alert your boss and security right away. In a 2017 New Jersey case, a mother contacted her ex's employer with false abuse claims, costing him a promotion. But because he proactively kept his employer in the loop and had a record of her threats, he was able to mitigate the damage and later sue her for tortious interference.

3. Lock Down Social Media

Now is the time to tighten your social media privacy settings to the max. Anything you post could potentially be used against you, so it's best to share as little as possible. Make your profiles private, don't post about the custody case or your ex, and be thoughtful about what you do share. No rants, rages, or reckless behavior.

Avoid posting your whereabouts in real-time, as your ex could claim you're neglecting parenting duties. And absolutely never post photos or information about your children online during a custody dispute. In a 2015 Virginia case, a mother lost custody after posting a video on Facebook of her drunk and ranting about her ex and kids.

4. Stay Kid-Focused

Always put your children's well-being first and don't disparage your ex in their presence, no matter how difficult it may be. Refrain from using your kids as messengers or putting them in the middle of conflicts. Stick to the parenting schedule, support their relationship with the other parent, and be a stable, loving presence.

If your ex is bad-mouthing you to the kids, don't retaliate. Keep your side of the street clean and document any attempts at parental alienation. The high road always looks better in court. In a 2018 Minnesota case, a mother was able to win sole custody after demonstrating the father had turned the children against her through a sustained campaign of hostile texts, defamatory social posts, and manipulation.

5. Assemble a Strong Support Team

Surround yourself with a squad of experienced, respected professionals to protect your rights and represent your side persuasively. Hire a skilled family law attorney who specializes in complex custody cases and is familiar with parental alienation and defamation defense. Retain a reputable therapist to help you and your children cope with the stress in a healthy way.

Consider enlisting a forensic psychologist to evaluate any abuse allegations or parental fitness concerns. And if needed, have a crisis PR specialist on call to handle reputation threats. In 2019, actress Amber Heard reportedly spent $70K/month on an expert PR team to counter ex-husband Johnny Depp's accusations during their legal battle.

6. Don't Feed the Trolls

If your ex is trying to defame you online through nasty posts, comments or smear websites, your first instinct may be to defend yourself. But often, engaging only makes it worse by amplifying the content. Work with an attorney to document the posts as evidence, but avoid the temptation to respond yourself.

In egregious cases, you may be able to have defamatory content removed by reporting it to the platform or webhost, or through a cease-and-desist letter from your lawyer. Your attorney can also file a request for injunction with the court to force your ex to take down the offending material.

In 2016, the ex-husband of a high-powered Silicon Valley executive created a website calling her an unfit mother and accusing her of child abuse. She was able to get the site taken down and win a restraining order after demonstrating to a judge how the baseless claims were harming her both personally and professionally.

7. Be Honest with Family & Friends

During a vicious custody battle, you may be tempted to circle the wagons and not let anyone in. But this can backfire by allowing your ex to control the narrative. Staying silent can even make you look guilty. Instead, lean on trusted allies and ask them for support.

Be honest with close family and friends about what you're going through, particularly if your ex is spreading lies. You don't have to share every gory detail, but give them the basic facts and let them know you have nothing to hide. In a 2014 case, a father gained full custody of his young son after relatives testified how the mother had lied to them about the father being abusive in an attempt to manipulate them and isolate the child.

8. Correct the Record

If your ex is publishing demonstrably false information about you, consider ways to counter those claims publicly, rather than letting the lies linger unchallenged. Have your attorney send a cease-and-desist letter demanding a retraction or corrective statement. If a media outlet has published inaccurate reports, work with your lawyer and PR team on setting the record straight.

In extreme cases, you may need to file a defamation lawsuit to clear your name and recover damages. In 2010, a mother won a $11.3 million defamation verdict against her ex-husband and his family after they created a website wrongly accusing her of sexually abusing their young daughter. The judgment sent a powerful message that egregious lies would not be tolerated.

9. Take the High Road

As tempting as it is to fight fire with fire when your ex is slinging mud, getting in the gutter will only hurt your case. Judges, custody evaluators, and family law professionals can all see through cheap shots and smear tactics. Rise above the nonsense and keep your behavior unimpeachable.

Always be civil and business-like in your interactions with your ex (remember, you're documenting!). Don't resort to public pot-shots, online trolling, or rumor-mongering. Let your integrity speak for itself. In a 2013 custody modification case, a father lost his motion to get more parenting time after the judge reviewed text messages showing the dad berating the mom and calling her names.

10. Protect Your Peace

Custody battles are incredibly stressful and emotionally draining. It's vital that you prioritize your mental health and well-being so you can show up as the best parent possible. Regularly decompress through exercise, meditation, or hobbies. Don't hesitate to seek counseling if you're struggling to cope.

Maintain healthy routines and habits; avoid excess alcohol or other negatives that could be used against you. Walk away if interactions with your ex turn toxic. Establish strong boundaries with family and friends to minimize drama. And keep the faith that the truth will prevail. As Michelle Obama once said: "When someone is cruel or acts like a bully, you don't stoop to their level. No, our motto is, when they go low, we go high."

Managing your reputation amidst a contentious custody battle is challenging, but it is possible with intentional strategies and a strong support squad. By staying kid-focused, claiming the high road, and letting your character speak for itself, you can neutralize nastiness and protect your good name. While some mudslinging may be inevitable, always keep your eyes on the prize: providing a safe, healthy, loving environment for your children for years to come.

References

• In 2019, actress Amber Heard reportedly spent $70K/month on an expert PR team to counter ex-husband Johnny Depp's accusations during their legal battle.
• As Michelle Obama once said: "When someone is cruel or acts like a bully, you don't stoop to their level. No, our motto is, when they go low, we go high."

For more insights, read our Divorce Decoded blog.