Disclaimer: Family law varies by jurisdiction. This article provides general information, not legal advice. Consult a qualified local attorney for guidance on specific situations.
Introduction: The Age of “Sharenting” and Co-Parenting Challenges
Scrolling through social media today, it’s common to see proud parents sharing baby milestones or school achievements. This phenomenon of parents sharing details about their kids online – often called “sharenting” – has become a part of modern parenting. While sharing photos and stories can help faraway family feel closer, it can also create new challenges, especially for divorced or separated parents (co-parents) who don’t always agree on what’s appropriate to post.
Anonymized Anecdote: A divorced mom, for example, started a public blog to chronicle her son’s struggle with a learning disability. She saw it as raising awareness, but the child’s father was alarmed to find personal medical details and school issues broadcast online. This led to intense conflict between the co-parents and concern about their son’s privacy. Such scenarios are increasingly common. Co-parents may have very different views on posting about their children, and those differences can fuel disputes. In the worst cases, oversharing a child’s photos or private moments online can even become a factor in custody battles.
In this article, we’ll explore how parents can protect their children’s digital footprints (the trail of information about them online) while co-parenting. We’ll break down practical steps for parents to agree on safe sharing practices and look at legal strategies if disagreements escalate. Throughout, we maintain accessible language for any parent to follow, and we’ve included special callouts with legal terminology and tips for attorneys handling these issues.
Why Children’s Digital Footprints Matter
Every post or photo shared today could remain online for decades – long enough for your child to stumble upon it as a teen or adult. Protecting a child’s digital footprint is about guarding their privacy, safety, and future well-being. Here are some reasons oversharing can be harmful:
Privacy and Consent: Young children cannot consent to information about them being posted. Yet, studies show that by age two, over 90% of children have an online presence thanks to their parents’ postings
Safety Concerns: Personal details shared online can inadvertently put children at risk. Seemingly innocent posts (birthday photos, first-day-of-school pics) can reveal a child’s full name, birthdate, or location. Predators or identity thieves might exploit this information. The Child Rescue Coalition warns that certain hashtags (like “#bathtime” or “#pottytraining”) can attract dangerous strangers scanning for content
Emotional and Future Impact: What goes online today could resurface years later. A cute toddler meltdown video might mortify that child as a teenager applying to colleges or jobs. About one-third of children’s images debut on social media on the day they are born
Co-Parenting Trust: For co-parents, a child’s digital footprint can become a minefield of distrust. If one parent freely shares updates and photos and the other is more protective, resentment can build. The more personal the content (e.g. posting about a child’s illness or behavior issues), the more the disagreeing parent may feel that boundary has been crossed. This issue can strain communication and cooperation between co-parents, undermining the unified front children benefit from. In custody arrangements, cooperation and trust are key – and public posts that one parent sees as inappropriate can rapidly erode goodwill.
In short, oversharing – however well-intentioned – can expose children to privacy invasions, safety risks, and emotional harm. It can also throw co-parents into conflict. Understanding these stakes is the first step toward healthier online habits.
Co-Parenting Best Practices to Prevent Oversharing
Communication and setting boundaries are critical when it comes to your child’s digital presence. The goal is to reach a mutual understanding so that both parents feel the child is safe and respected online. Here are practical steps and tips for co-parents:
Have an Early Conversation: Don’t wait until after the first problematic post appears. As early as possible – even during the initial custody agreement discussions – talk about social media. Share your comfort levels and concerns. For instance, one parent might be fine posting a child’s first day of school photo to a private friends-only profile, but not comfortable with a public TikTok video of the child. Understanding each other’s perspective can prevent future misunderstandings.
Set Clear Digital Sharing Rules: Create mutual guidelines about what can and cannot be shared. This could include agreeing not to post the child’s full name, birthdate, address, school name, or other identifying info in any public forum. Some families agree that photos showing the child’s face should be shared only with a limited, private group (or not at all) unless both parents consent. You might decide milestones (like a sports award) are fine to share, but private struggles (like a bad report card or a medical issue) are off-limits. Writing these rules down can be helpful – consider adding them to your formal parenting plan if both agree.
Use Privacy Settings and Controls: Make sure any accounts sharing child content are as locked-down as possible. Use strict privacy settings so that posts are visible only to close friends and family. Avoid “public” posts. Disable features like location tagging on photos of the kids. Even better, use shared cloud albums or messaging groups to update family members instead of social media at all. This limits exposure while still sharing the joy.
Get Consent from Each Other (and Eventually, the Child): A good practice is the “two yeses, one no” rule – if both parents say yes, the post is okay; if either parent says no, hold off. This way, both co-parents have veto power for the child’s protection. As children get older, involve them in the decision. A pre-teen might not want their braces or a particular story shared online. Modeling respect for the child’s wishes not only protects them but teaches them about consent and digital citizenship.
Think Before You Post (The “Grandma Test”): Before hitting share, ask: Would I be comfortable if this post were seen by my child’s future teacher, employer, or even their grandmother? If the answer is no, it’s a sign the content may be too sensitive. Also ask, Could this post in any way embarrass or harm my child, now or later? For example, a funny potty-training mishap might get laughs, but consider if your child would laugh or cringe seeing it at age 13. When in doubt, don’t post or at least consult the co-parent.
Checklist: Responsible Sharing Guidelines for Co-Parents
✔️ Only Share with a Purpose: Post to celebrate and encourage the child (honor roll shout-out), not to vent or criticize (avoid posts about behavioral problems or co-parent disagreements).
✔️ Strip Identifiers: Remove personal data (last names, school uniforms, location tags) from photos. Use nicknames or initials instead of full names if you must reference the child publicly.
✔️ Get the “OK” First: If a post involves your child, run it by your co-parent before posting (and as the child grows, ask the child too). A quick text for approval can avert big conflicts later.
✔️ Private is Better: Prefer closed groups, private profiles, or direct messaging to share child updates, rather than public-facing posts.
✔️ Quality Over Quantity: There’s no need to document every cute moment online. Share occasional highlights if you like, but keep most of your child’s life private or in-person. Remember that not everything needs an audience.
By following these best practices, co-parents can significantly reduce the chances of harmful oversharing. The key is to be intentional and collaborative about your child’s digital footprint.
Checklist: What to Do If Your Co-Parent Overshares
Even with guidelines, mistakes or disagreements can happen. If your co-parent posts something about your child that you find concerning:
Stay Calm and Document: Avoid knee-jerk reactions online. Instead, take screenshots of the concerning posts (you may need evidence later)
Communicate Your Concern: Have a direct and respectful conversation as soon as possible. Explain why the post worries you (e.g., “This shows our son’s school name, which I’m not comfortable with” or “I feel that sharing about her illness violates her privacy”). Stick to the facts and the child’s best interest, and avoid accusing language.
Request Removal or Modification: Ask if the co-parent is willing to take the post down or edit it (e.g., blur the child’s face or remove identifying details). Remind them of any prior agreements you had. Often, a parent might not have realized something was problematic and will cooperate once it’s pointed out.
Suggest Ground Rules (Again): Use this incident to firm up your sharing agreement. Maybe the guidelines weren’t clear, or one parent didn’t understand the importance. Revisit and update your rules together: for instance, you might add “no posts showing the child’s face without mutual consent” after a breach. Putting it in writing (even informally via email) can help reaffirm the commitment.
Involve a Mediator or Professional (if needed): If discussing the issue between yourselves turns into a fight or goes nowhere, it may help to involve a neutral third party. A mediator, family counselor, or parenting coordinator can facilitate a conversation about social media boundaries. Sometimes hearing from a child psychologist about potential harms can persuade a reluctant parent to dial back their sharenting.
Legal Advice as a Last Resort: In extreme cases – say one parent consistently ignores agreements and the child is being harmed – you may need to consult your attorney. They might send a formal letter to the other parent as a warning, or, if necessary, file a petition to the court to modify the custody order to include specific social media restrictions. Courts generally prefer parents to resolve things themselves, but they can step in when a child’s welfare is at stake (more on that below). Before it gets to that point, make sure you’ve documented all instances and previous attempts to resolve amicably.
Following these steps can often resolve oversharing disputes without legal action. The sooner co-parents address a concern, the less likely it will escalate.
Legal Strategy Sidebar (For Attorneys): When advising clients, encourage them to be proactive. For instance, help your client draft a social media plan as part of the parenting agreement. This can be as detailed as needed – from banning posting the child’s identifiable information to requiring mutual consent for any online sharing
Legal Framework: Protecting Kids’ Privacy in Custody Arrangements
When co-parents can’t agree on social media sharing, the issue may enter the courtroom. How do U.S. family courts view “sharenting” disputes? The overriding principle in any custody matter is the best interest of the child. Parents have constitutional rights, including free speech, but those rights can be limited if exercising them harms a child. Below, we outline broad legal trends and some state-specific developments (Illinois, Vermont, and others) that shed light on this evolving area.
Best Interests, Privacy Rights, and Free Speech
Family courts will assess whether a parent’s social media activity is affecting the child’s well-being. Some key points:
Best Interest Standard: Nearly all states use a best interest of the child standard in custody cases. Judges examine factors like the child’s safety, emotional needs, and each parent’s ability to co-parent. If a parent’s online posts are, for example, disparaging the other parent or exposing the child to ridicule, a judge could view that as contrary to the child’s best interest. Posting negative comments about your ex or your custody case can backfire legally – judges see it as a sign you may not foster a healthy co-parenting relationship. In Illinois, for instance, courts consider “the willingness and ability of each parent to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing relationship between the other parent and the child” (750 ILCS 5/602.7(b)(13))
Children’s Privacy Interests: Courts are increasingly recognizing that children have their own privacy rights. In a 2023 Illinois appellate case, the court noted that “the State has a compelling interest in protecting the minors’ privacy…in its role as parens patriae”
Free Speech Considerations: On the other hand, courts must be careful not to overreach. Parents do have First Amendment rights. An order broadly banning a parent from ever posting about their child raises freedom of speech issues – courts call this a prior restraint on speech, which is disfavored in American law. Any restriction on speech must be narrowly tailored to serve a compelling interest (in this case, the child’s welfare)
Enforceability: Without a court order or agreement in place, a parent generally cannot unilaterally stop the other from posting. Unless something violates a specific law (like harassment or an explicit threat), the remedy is to seek a modification of the custody order. However, once a judge signs off on a social media clause – or includes a restriction in a court order – violating it can have consequences just like violating any custody term. That could include being held in contempt of court. In one anonymous case, after a father repeatedly posted his daughter’s photos against a court order, the judge imposed sanctions and adjusted visitation terms to underline the seriousness of compliance. The bottom line: if it’s important to you, get it in writing (and approved by the court).
Groundbreaking State Approaches: Illinois, Vermont, and Beyond
Because internet issues in custody are relatively new, laws are adapting. While no state has a comprehensive “sharenting law” for custody yet, some states have pioneered related protections:
Illinois – Child Influencer Law & Court Awareness: In 2024, Illinois became the first state to pass a law protecting child influencers on social media
Vermont – Emphasizing Privacy and Best Interests: Vermont, like many states, hasn’t passed a “sharenting” custody law per se, but it has taken a progressive stance on children’s data privacy in general. In early 2024, the Vermont Senate unanimously passed legislation requiring robust privacy settings for minors on social media platforms and banning the sale of kids’ personal data
Other Notable Developments: California has long been at the forefront of privacy law, and while its laws (like the “eraser button” law that lets minors remove their own social media posts, or the 2022 Age-Appropriate Design Code) focus on children’s rights vis-à-vis tech companies, they reflect growing awareness of children’s digital rights. Family judges in states like New York and California have occasionally ordered parents in high-conflict divorces to stop posting about their children or the case on social media as a condition of custody. These orders tend to be case-specific and often stem from extreme situations (for example, a parent live-streaming arguments, or posting court documents online). They underscore that courts can and will draw lines if a parent’s online behavior is egregious. It’s also worth noting international trends: countries like France have proposed laws to give children rights to ask parents to take down content. While U.S. law doesn’t (yet) go that far, U.S. judges are certainly paying attention to the implications of a child’s digital footprint.
Key Takeaway: Regardless of the state, if harmful oversharing is clearly affecting a child, a court can intervene. But because there isn’t a uniform rule, outcomes can vary. That’s why preventive measures and well-drafted agreements (discussed next) are so crucial – they fill the gap where specific laws don’t exist.
Crafting Effective Social Media Clauses in Agreements (Attorney Insights)
One of the best strategies to prevent fights over Facebook or Instagram is to address the issue in the custody agreement or parenting plan itself. Attorneys and forward-thinking parents are increasingly including social media clauses when negotiating custody terms. Here’s how to make such clauses effective:
Be Specific and Comprehensive: A generic “don’t overshare” clause is hard to enforce. Instead, outline clear rules. For example, “Neither parent shall post photographs or videos of the child on any public social media platform without the other parent’s prior consent”
Neutral Application: Make sure the clause applies equally to both parents. This isn’t a punishment; it’s a mutual promise. Language should read like “both parents agree to X” rather than singling one out, unless a court has found one parent solely at fault for past issues. Courts are more likely to approve and enforce clauses that are even-handed in protecting the child.
Anticipate Exceptions: Life happens, and not all sharing is “bad.” Consider building in some exceptions or procedures. For instance, you might allow each parent to continue sharing photos in a private family group chat or album, recognizing that not all relatives are on social media. Or you might say that school or sports photos are okay to share if they don’t include personal info like location or last name. Some clauses permit posting on special occasions (birthday or holiday) with notice to the other parent. Detailing these can prevent friction later – e.g., one parent feeling blindsided by a birthday post that they thought wasn’t allowed.
Enforcement and Penalties: While it’s tricky to enforce these clauses, you can include a statement that a violation would be considered a material breach of the parenting agreement, giving grounds to seek a modification or other remedies. In reality, a judge’s scolding or, in extreme cases, contempt of court is the enforcement mechanism. Sometimes just knowing it’s a formal rule deters parents from crossing the line. For especially sensitive situations, an attorney might even negotiate a liquidated damages clause (e.g., a nominal fine per violation) – though this is rare in custody contexts and may not be enforceable, it shows how serious the issue is to both parties.
Review as Children Grow: A clause should have flexibility to revisit as the child gets older. What’s appropriate at age 5 (when the child isn’t aware) might change by age 13 (when the child has opinions and perhaps their own social media). Attorneys might write in that the social media agreement will be reviewed after a certain number of years or at certain milestones. Alternatively, include that once the child is of a certain age, their consent is required too for posts. This future-pro-proofs the agreement and keeps it child-centric.
Attorney Checklist – Drafting a Social Media Clause:
By incorporating such clauses, attorneys can provide a strategic framework that pre-empts conflict. It’s far easier to set expectations early than to litigate a Facebook fight in front of a judge later.
Quick Reference Guide (Parents & Attorneys)
For Parents – Safeguarding Your Child’s Digital Footprint:
Think Twice, Post Once: Before sharing anything about your child, double-check privacy settings and consider long-term impacts. If in doubt, don’t post.
Respect Co-Parent Boundaries: Always get your co-parent’s input on sharing significant or sensitive info. One parent’s “cute story” might be the other’s “overshare.” Coordinate first.
Keep It Positive and Impersonal: Share the good news (honors, team photos) sparingly and avoid details that could identify or embarrass your child. Never use social media to vent about your co-parent or your child.
Use Private Channels: Whenever possible, prefer direct messaging, email updates, or private photo albums to share with family instead of public social feeds.
Model Good Digital Habits: Your child will eventually learn from you about online life. Showing them that you respect privacy and boundaries teaches them to do the same.
For Attorneys – Addressing Sharenting in Custody Cases:
Raise the Issue Early: Don’t wait for a problem to occur. During custody negotiations, bring up social media and propose adding a clause to the agreement. Many clients won’t think of it until it’s too late.
Customize to the Family: Tailor any social media clause to fit the parents’ actual needs and tech use. Some families may be very private, others might be minor public figures – one size does not fit all.
Gather Evidence of Harm: If litigation is unavoidable, compile screenshots, dates, and any proof that the child was or could be negatively affected by a parent’s posts (e.g., a teacher or doctor expressing concern, or the child’s own distress). Concrete examples help demonstrate to the court that this is more than a trivial squabble
Know Your Jurisdiction: Research if your state has any precedent or statute on point. Cite broad principles like best interests and any case law recognizing children’s privacy
Encourage Alternative Resolutions: Remind clients that judges might be reluctant to police Facebook unless truly necessary. Encourage use of mediation or parenting coordinators for ongoing disputes about communications and social media. Having a neutral referee available can resolve flare-ups faster than a court motion. Reserve court as the last resort when a child’s well-being is genuinely at risk.
By combining practical co-parenting approaches with smart legal planning, families can navigate the digital age more smoothly. The aim is to let kids enjoy childhood without unwittingly starring on the internet, and to let parents maintain peace by preventing harmful oversharing before it becomes a crisis. With awareness, communication, and clear agreements, co-parents can safeguard their children’s digital footprints – keeping the focus on the child’s best interests both online and off.
For more insights, read our Divorce Decoded blog.